Shallow Philosophy

Realisation

2012-01-26T07:20:00.001-08:00

I know why I feel sad whenever she says things like that. I know why I don't want to be in a relationship. I can't commit to another person just yet, as there are so many things I want to do in life. And yet, I find myself in situations like this, where a girl pours her heart to me, and I to her. The only problem is that I can't do it for a long time. I'm constantly moving, constantly looking for change, for variety. My humanity makes me feel like shit whenever she says things like "I don't want to miss you more then I already do" because she is losing something that means so much so her, and I'm taking that away for my own selfish reasons.

Well. Now that I know, I won't be making the same mistake again. I'm getting married to single hood, for a very, very, long time.

Half hearted attempt

2012-01-19T22:12:00.001-08:00

I don't understand why I try to win their approval, but yet don't attend any of the outings they organised.

My NS life is scarred by my time as a cadet. I thought that after POP things would be different. Well it, but not as much as I'd like. Still isolated and stuff. I just to work, and seize this living with them shit. Soon, soon

Half hearted attempt

2012-01-19T22:00:00.001-08:00

Screw the system

2012-01-17T19:16:00.001-08:00

Report for training at 7.30, they said
So I woke up at 5.30.
Upon arrival, the same trainer who told us to report early, I dunno, was called to do something for awhile and my guess is that he was lazy to conduct the class. Number one.

Nothing till nine. The simulation shoot. Once it was done we were told we can go. Swee, nothing till one. Once we reached our bunk and got comfortable, they told us to report to shoot again. Number 2.

Once there, the door to the simulation room rosak, but the problem was solved. Went in, waited for ten minutes, then told us system broke down, they were moving to the other room, but the SOs can go. Number 3.

Ah the system

Solo conversation

2012-01-14T23:02:00.001-08:00

Fuck this. I'm actually pissed at her. Her cowardice maybe? I dunno. I'm wasting my time waiting half a fucking hour for her mouth to open.

Shut everybody else out
Its just me and you
Whatever decision that's made
It's mine to choose

But when I look at her
I can't bear to do what I want
But when I think about it
I need to do it

I'm a dick
I'm a jerk
All girls should know
I should tell them first
Before any progressions made

Now I'm walking towards her
Planning to sit next to her
I'm losing to my heart
Or it may be my pity

My heart is heavy
I can't make a decision
Part of me wants to run away
With no worries

But I can't I won't I shouldn't
Or, wait, no,
I just cant

Frustration

2012-01-14T22:07:00.005-08:00

The music I listen to aptly describes how I'm feeling. Now it's Tears Don't Fall. Funny

One of the rare moments I don't actually want to talk to anybody. At all. I understand now. Why people want to be alone at times. Just can't put a word to it

Kanina

2012-01-14T22:07:00.003-08:00

Nonsense. Utter nonsense. When all the freedom given to you is suddenly taken away, for something do stupid, it's really gets you mood down

Silence

2012-01-14T22:07:00.001-08:00

I'm not going to start this conversation. I've said what I had to say. Now I just want to hear what she has to say. I'm not stun anything. At all

Camp

2012-01-10T07:14:00.001-08:00

I sit, back against the wall, buttocks on the back rest of the coach, with my headphones in blaring awesome music, watching them play poker, making noise, which sort of suites the mood I'm in. I don't know to explain it. It gives me a sense of reality, or separation? I can't put a word to it. Like there are two separate lives going on, one in my head and one of my physical being, and it's easy to cross from one side to the other: it's just a matter of taking off and putting on my headphones.

Interesting

Music

2012-01-10T05:36:00.001-08:00

Oh my FUCKING God. Stay in training?! Are you kidding me? And we can't go out, save Wednesdays?! What the flying fuck!

So much for not cursing this year

Relations

2012-01-09T08:03:00.001-08:00

You say, you're not gonna fight cause no one will fight for you

and you think, there's not enough love and no one to give it to

Life is funny
A new mantra I tell myself: in tough times, keep smiling - Bear Grylls

And of course I have to make a greater effort to connect to God

Night

In the end - Linkin Park

2012-01-07T07:49:00.001-08:00

Cheesy, but seriously

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter

You think I'd get so worked up about not getting shisha? How childish do you think I am? I'm pissed cause I made such an effort, I don't mind really. Just help me help you. After I went in and out while everybody else does nothing, and I got so far by bargaining, put my ego so bloody low just to help, to do something. Zilch

Fuck it

Dreams

2012-01-07T01:18:00.001-08:00

I always believe that there are two types of dreams. A dream dream and a realistic dream, sometime I find it sad to say the least that the word "dream" just broke down into to divisions. I sorta makes it a redundant word. I firmly believe I think this way because I live in Singapore. Most people are discouraged from going for their dream dream. I personally want to be a rock star, travel around the world and appear on MTV cribs. My realistic dream is to be a pilot. Get what I mean?

Life

2012-01-05T03:43:00.001-08:00

I'm smoking alone right now. I told myself never to to it, but it become so convenient when you have your own pack. That's the other thing I told myself not to do: buy my own pack.

Everybody knows life is full of ups and down and everybody has their own way of dealing with it. Me too, actually, but NS makes it so hard to do. I feel weak that I resort to this to feel better.

Girls are problematic. They're so fragile, so sensitive. They get mad or sad at small things that guys don't give a damn about. And the way society is right now, guys are almost always in the wrong. So much for equality.

She doesn't know I have a blog. Some do but don't bother reading it, reason being I don't update it often. Look at the last time I did.

I'm cold. I'm gonna go back into the van now.

It's funny, now that I'm inside one, how everybody stares at the vehicle. I know how they feel though. I wasn't a policeman for a very long time.

For three weeks I've been stuck in a predicament. I hate it. I just want to be carefree again, nothing like this fogging my mind. I keep reminding myself that it'll never happen. I should just end it. But I think deep down I know that that is not the only reason. I just want to be single. But the first reason makes things so convenient.

Husaini just called. Sounds pissed. I think it's cause I asked Rias to collect my food for me. He doesn't know how I feel. So I don't blame him. I just wished that he could have more EQ sometimes.

Then again when I actually think about it, I don't actually want to end things. She so kind and caring and nice. I'm such a lucky guy to have somebody like her. A dick like me doesn't deserve a girl like her. She's done so much for me and invested so much in this. I feel like I don't do anything at all sometimes. I wonder if she does these things to keep me, to make sure I don't leave her. So I guess I'm an even worse human being for thinking about then.

I never cried in front a girl before. At that point I genuinely did not want to break up with her. I still don't. But I think I'm confused. Is it really because things can't work? Or is it the fact that I don't want to be tied down. Maybe both. My mom told me that I'm the type of person that should not be tied down at this age. She knows me so well. She's the best person to talk to most of the times.

Ameera is a really nice person to hang out with. I can talk to her for hours. We have conversations in silence sometimes. I feel terrible for what I did to her, for my immaturity. Put me back then now and things would have turned out different. But for now I'm thankful to have her as a friend.

Haziyah doesn't like it that I hang out with her so much. It's easy to understand. I see Ameera more, and what's more we used to have something. Who wouldn't e scared? Especially with a dick like me.

As if things couldn't get worse, my NS life is starting to really suck. I was so happy and of course lucky to have the freedom I have compared to my friends. I guess that when just a bit of it is taken away, and even if it's still so much better then others, it feels terrible. Ah it won't last so long, I hope.

Time is flying so slowly right now. Times like this I just want to jump to the future. But you know the old saying its the journey that counts not the destination? It's true, but we'll only realise it after we reach the destination. Still feels like shit going through it.

I have to keep an eye out know. The vehicle is in my hands. No, not driving. Just holding keys waiting for the rest to come back.

I thought that after I commissioned, after that time I broke down in front of everybody, things would be different, my relationship with my squad mates. I still feel alienated. Doesn't help when I'm going through all this shit, but again I can't blame them. They treat me this way probably cause I live too much outside NS. Who knows, maybe they have their own problems I don't know about.

Wow they're taking a long time to get back. I feel like I should go look for them but I'd be leaving Yu Chong alone. I'll stay.

I wanna meet my friends so badly now. But thanks to this "office hour" training, I have to be back at harbourfront by 11. And stupid me left my security pass at camp so I have to go back with the rest. Bodoh.

I have a feeling Husaini is gonna scold me when he comes back. Fuck it.

Oh their back. He didn't scold me. I have to call Uncle Wee.

I wanna see Muhammad. I wanna see Ahmed. I wanna see Ameera. Hah. Weird. I didn't even say that about my own girlfriend. As I said. Dick.

Now that I have this on my iPhone I should be updating more. I wonder if it's possible to block some people from viewing this. Weed how I'd rather a random person then some of my friends. Weird, but I'm not the only person who feels that way.

I just told them about how I stupidly offered uncle wee a cigarette under such circumstances. They didn't laugh. Oh well.

Life is hard. But when I think about it, so many more people in this world live much much worse lives then me. I should be thankful.

Finally going back. I'm gonna sleep early today i guess.

Ah life. Il own you one day

haha

2009-10-25T08:34:00.001-07:00

now he's pissed at ME

yeah well

its not like it was avoidable

2009-10-12T00:31:00.001-07:00

Your Existing Situation
Feeling stressed out due to his current situation and the demands which are placed on him. Working to release himself from all things that hold him back or tie him down.

Your Stress Sources
Always trying to make a good impression on other, but doubtful he is succeeding. Feels he has the right to everything he hopes and dreams of and becomes annoyed and helpless when things don't go his way. He is troubled by the very thought of failure.

Holy shit I just found this in my draft folder. Scarily apt

MY DAY

2009-09-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

today was okay.

GP presentation and 3 out of 5 of my groupmates didnt come. thanks

so i did a solo presentation while my Vietnamese friend who was tired just handled the slides.

i probably skipped 45 minutes of GP going to the toilet. i drank milk in the morning...

right after that, me and Jun Kai sneaked into the guitar room to resume my drum lessons. 30 minutes break so yeah

i improved a damn lot okay. i can play basic songs now. yes, songs

yeah. then went for malay late. as usual it was extremely boring. hais

haha then we had PW, but my teacher is usually like, 20 minutes alte for lessons so we played drums again

then when he came, we went back to class, put our bags down and went back up. again

gerek.

the prayed at Istirghfar. ARRIVED JUST IN TIME SIA. second rakaat. watch funny vids at my house someore. - .-

lunched at my house then went back to school to cliiiiimb!!

but i lepaked at the cafe first with Hafiz cause there was cat shit on one of the crash mats and the janitor was cleaning it up

that and some other reason. XD

yeah i climb for like 4-5 hours and went home with raw hands

didnt study at all.

but i think i should start now.

HALLA

Arh

2009-09-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

it seems that whenever i have a post, its depressing
and i guess its safer to do it after this blog has been dead for so long cause not many people will read it.

well

i think that over the recent 4 years of my life, i can safely say i was a jerk
non of my relationships lasted 2 months.
when i think about it its kinda sad, although other people will think "wa fadhil player sia"
but it really makes me paranoid
and after the most recent relationship i had
i think i crossed the line distinguishing carefulness and complete paranoia.

i cant talk to a girl if i i like her anymore
sure i can talk to girls as friends
but when its a girl that i see different from other girls
i become so paranoid that i refrain myself from saying anything.

its really depressing
its so hard just trying to get to know a girl
even if i want to start of as friends, it hard cause i see her her in a different way.
sad man

HELLO

2009-07-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

ok.

im all better now

more determined.

less lazy.

happy

bouncy

bubbly

and high

disappointment week over

happy years are still to come

thanks to you guys for giving me support

although i dont even know how you got to my blog

but ok i guess

and dont get me wrong k

i am happy for her

i tak pedengki

dunno how to spell and rather mat.

sorry.

but its true.

and like

i was right though.

they thought i was awesomely disappointed at that time

and didnt wanna talk to me cause they wanted to give me time

but i was ok.

so.

yeah.

well.

thanks!

hais

2009-07-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

Disappointment

Frustration

i woke up today telling myself

that today would be better than the other days in the week

told myself that

hey elections for the rock climbing exco is later man.

school went by normally.

then went to prayers with hafiz and azri and hafiz

then they had lunch at my house

azri and hafiz left first

so it was just me and hafiz left.

we talked and joked

but inbetween the talks i would deep down think, this guy is running against me

hais

so we went to school for the elections.

now ive been trying to tell myself for a month that i wont get it

so i wont get my hopes up

but when you're ignorant, hope exists.

yeah.

so they called out the first few positions

then hafiz was vice cap

then

i told sean.

bro, its eugenia.

and he said

it still might be you

and right after that,

eugenia was called.

i wont lie, i was happy for her.

if it wasnt me i wanted her or sean as cap.

so yeah.

so i tried to climb normally after that.

and i noticed that none of the excos talked to me for some while

even if they did,

it was akward.

and i knew what it was about

haha....

hais.

so i climbed then left for home

and told my parents i didnt get it

so alright.

we went out

and i stayed isolated the whole time

its my brohers birthday today

he was excited and kept talking to me

and i snapped at him

but ill feel so bad that ill go up to him and talk to him

even though i wanted to be alone.

we went to smu for some art performance

and i just cant get the disappointment out of my head

i wanted so badly to be cheered up.

but i got nothing

nothing

its so..... depressing

i shed a teardrop in the car on the way to swensons

i cant help it.

i just felt so lousy.

and i still do.

3 Us for midyears

i just wanted to be cheered up, and another bombshell

crashes right onto the middle of my head

no one reads this blog anyway

if husrin reads it

he'll probably say it a bad post and comment on my spelling.

it sucks man

lately

i feel so unacomplished.

ive been wasting my life away

as a lousy friend and a lousy being

im drowning in self pity

but no one can save me.

Cause nobody reads this

Rock Climbing

2009-02-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

highlight of yesterday,

rock climbing officially started yesterday.

ok. i'll go through the day in detail.

2.30P.M

everybody assembles at the rock wall

2.45P.M

Icebreakers and Whacko!

3.15P.M

Captains Ball. (rather violent captains ball)

4.15P.M

Finished captains ball. Safety breifing : How to wear a harness and tie figure of eight knot.

5.00PM

Training finished for J1s. Optional to stay and train. I stayed.

8.00 P.M

Leave school.

ok

one rock climbing ex TPJCian came back.

his name is Hansel.

funny?

he does 20 martial arts.

still funny?

he doesn't learn from community centres.

he learns from masters.

he goes to Japan to train.

learn ninjitsu in singapore and they won't even teach you 30% of ninjitsu.

go to Japan, they teach you how to kill.

amazing.

he also did akido.

so he thought me some locks and take downs.

the amazing thing about him is that he can learn all these martial arts

and still graduate from a JC.

amazing.

he also bakes awesome cookies.

ok.

now the coach.

awesome.

literally.

he isnt just an imba climber.

he is patient,

motivational,

and a nice guy.

imagine havinga coach that plays soccer along the school corridor,

as we are exiting the school, kicking the ball against classroom doors...

cool.

awesome.

i really hope i do well in rock climbing.

the coach told my frined something about me that made me go....wow.

STOP IT SIA FARIZAH

YOU DON'T NEED MONEY TO ENJOY YOURSELF!

CAMP

2009-02-20T07:01:00.000-08:00

orientaaaaation camp

TIU TIU TIU TIU TIU TIU

LETS GO HAWKERS LET GOOOO

YAY

i got best hawk camper award

haha.

k, day one boring.

mass dance.

sleeping time was da bomb.

dunno why.

day two fun.

got wet.

day threee....

not really good cause i lost my voice for being so enthu i screamed in the first two days

strepsils made my throat worst btw.

well.

fun ah.

see, we all complained about the camp.

but at the end, everybody will miss it.

i was thinking bout this.

maybe, if people think like me,

they feel like a part of their life, has past. just like tht.

bad or good, you went through it and you miss it.

cause you'll never be in tht same position again.

just a theory.

im a taichi muster in our skit.

im really lazy to blog....so

good night guys.

GO HAWKERS AND 09S23!!!

13th February, Friday

2009-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

Friday the 13th.

Supposed unluck day.

Man I must be shining with luck cause, i'm super lucky man

Ok. Today.

Came to school and saw all the girls with flowers and whatever not.

Sheesh

HAHA.

k.

Lessons as per normal.

Then one and a half our break.

And in that break, me and some friends were sitting in the study corner/canteen.

we played guitar, sang, i beatboxed and became a 30 minute achepella group.

too bad i dont have the recording, it was awesome.

then they spoilt it by singing malay songs.

then sang raihan! haha

"ILLA, ILLA...."

haha.

fun.

then prayers at Ghufran.

Met mom's friend's son who is my schoolmate. haha. cool.

went back to school,

met a friend named syed saad for breakdance lesson.

apparently im good when it comes to tricks but i have to loosen up.

"Muscle men are usually stiff," he said.

haha

then rock climbing where i saw our coach for the first time.

i was like ome fucking fuck fuck.

imba-ness to the max man.

he's amazing i swear.

i was literally flabbergasted.

mouth opened wide.

yeah.

then watch hockey trails.

and sat a an area near the hockey court and sat beside Afiq, another friend.

talk talk, then suddenly i saw a flash of red and i dodge and it hit Afiq in the neck.

A hockey ball.

holy shit he was like, i dunno how to discribe.

not in pain my like megha shocked like winded.

then nabil, hockey guy(also my friend)

came up to me and asked whether i was okay.

"why you asking me? afiq got hit..."

and he said

"the ball bounced of the floor right under your balls man, before hitting Afiq"

....

HOLY SHIT!!!

haha.

yeah.

Friday the 13th is a lucky day.

For some other reasons too.

;D

Ah Crap

2009-02-11T04:14:00.000-08:00

another exciting day of school.

only 2 lessons.

General Paper, talked bout media,

and chemistry, where there were more people than the lecture theater can hold.

than slack-ation. played soccer, failed a bicycle kick and hurt my arm, haha.

well. actually i had 6 km run for soccer practice just now.

but i also signed up for rock climbing trials.(happy husrin?)

so i malas nak go for the run, and i wanted to climb, and there was a hot girl going for the trial.

so, to rock climbing.

i got in.

than. after the trails, hte soccer captain and the vice-cap and some other JC2s came to the rock wall.

"Fadhil, you ah..."

i was like "sorry ah i signed up sia"

than, rock climbing captain came.

"sorry ah, im taking your soccer player away"

i was like, umm....

soccer captain : eh walau like this sia.

yadda yadda yadda

debate, "Fadhil join soccer","Fadhil join rock climbing"

basically i was like, oh shit.

than soccer coach came.

damn haha.

Coach : Fadhil, whats the problem?

Fadhil(THATS ME!) : sorry coach i had rock climbing trials. i got in

Coach : you got in soccer trials FIRST.

ME : yeah but the rock climbing trials was later coach, sorry.

Coach : its ok. ill give you till the end of th eweek to decide.

shit. than some of my friends, (soccer boys) came.

"amacam, Fad? rock climbing eh?"

well yeah.

i dunno what to do....

shit la.

but other than tht it was a great day.

i love TPJC!

LEE!! EEE HEEE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

TPJC

2009-02-07T22:09:00.000-08:00

haha

sorry late post.

k

TPJC, basically,

ROCKS.

its a school of balance.

studies equally with sports and social events.

well.

at the start i had a problem

what CCA to join.

soccer or rock climbing.

then there is SYFC singapore youth flying club la walau.

yeah

AND NYAA.

yeap

so.

i decided to go for soccer trails

if i get in i'll stick to soccer, if not, rock climing.

wooh.

yeah

i asked Jo to sign me up : 1st choice striker, 2nd keeper.

so when we reported to the trails.

after attendance was taken,

the coach shouted, "Fadhil!"

and i was like," Yes?"

then he looked at me awhile before saying,"you play keeper?"

so i was like 'shit, no'

but i said yes.

and then i found out i was the only one on the list who actually wrote keeper,

be it 1st or 2nd choice.

so.

i was the only keeper.

so 2.4 first....

3 months of not exercising payed its toll.

14 minutes. haha

maybe bcause i drank 3 bottles of water before the run,

cause i had stitches after 200 meters

XD

well, i thiught i wasn't gonna be selected.

but, after the first few tests, posession and heading and what not,

i got through the first elimination round

haha.

i swear it was like American idol. except its soccer skills, not singing.

yeah

coach was like, i'm sory but your journey ends here.

funny sia

anyway

i got through first elimination, then, shooting.

obviously they wanted to try the only keeper (ME)

i stepped up.

they shot and shot, and i dived and dived.

only let one in haha.

they were shocked, the JC2s and the coach.

then the JC keeper asked if who could be keeper awhile, so i took a ball,

and lined up to take a shot.

first shot, in.

second shot, in.

third shot, top left corner hit the post and went in.

i was like wow.

aha.

so yeah.

i got in.

friends say i should play striker cause my kicking is good.

but i keep telling them TPJC needs a keeper.

well yeah so i got in.

no rock climbing, but soccer.

oh and i have to go to yo chuh kang to sign up for SYFC.

did i forget to say?

TPJC IS A CHICK HUB!!!

credits to ilyas for creating the phrase "chick hub"

yeah.

i love the school

meridian has more mats then this school.

haha

bloody DSA boys
what

Mutton, not beef

2009-01-31T08:21:00.000-08:00

haha

just came back from work.

indian (hindu / muslim) event at tepak sireh.

man.

i was serving them

"is this beef?!?!"

"no maam", i replied. "its mutton"

sheesh.

tiring.

met three chicks on the train just now

not even sure if they were Singaporeans

they made it obvious they were talking bout me. (i was alone in the train)

damn.

smile here, smile there.

well.

its only polite to smile back right?

giggles, whispers.

haha.

should've asked for their numbers.

BUT THEIR MOM WAS WITH THEM

Gong See Fat Choy

2009-01-27T08:31:00.001-08:00

ah.

late post....AGAIN

what to do i blog when i can.

supid keyboard with he faulty leter 'T'

yes, the buton is missing.

ah, i sidetracked (i pressed so hard for that T)

ok chinese new year.

as chinese go visiting and malays celebrate a no work or school day,

we chinese arabs, well, go visiting too.

all the way at Pasir Panjang. wooh.

well at least i think its at pasir panjang. ten minutes walk to NTU.

yeah. well. Great grandmom's house all my chinese cousin's, uncles, aunts and grands.

the usual.

red packets(wah bad economy people become stingy seh, not even fifty for that house)

well, used to get at least a hundred so, disappointed ah.

nevermind, cause we dont visit cause of that

me and my Muslim cousins will go down exploring every year haha.

last year we found a hill, this one actually

and decided to climb it. at the top, besides the good view, we saw this

an empty road with an abandoned villa.

i was with my bro and cousins, so they were like scared so we didnt explore....

BUT THIS YEAR

haha big for fun. and lets just leave it at this colour.

this year we explored! yup fun.

eh colour changed...whatever.

yeah. it was awesome. photos tell stories right? here are SEVERAL photos.

four of us (you only see 3 cause im taking the photo, dumbass)

went to explore.

yeah, i know, que boulevard of broken dreams.

haha, we played and sung that song throughout the exploration.

mind you, it was deserted auto timer people.....cause as your can see, only two people left

kamal had to go back to take care of his baby bro

faruq was scared so he followed

so just me and zaki left. he found that basketball, somewhere entah mane.

cool right?

well instead of just walking on the roads, we thought

and since theres less people

lets climb in a villa which we soon found out to be called, Rochester Park.

pity that im not in most photos, but picture that as me, cause where he went, i went.

yeah. i was a long painful process to get in one, and what more getting out

why not see for yourself?

the fence gave way while i was one top and it left me hanging. haha. scary sia. terpranjat bangla

and my baju got stuck. not funny k....

when i got down, i felt the sensation of, ball banging. damn it hurt. bloody fence

just to take this photo

and injured my arm. doesnt look so bad and well, it wasnt.

then

went around a house

cloth hangers.

i think this photo is cool. makes me look like im inside(cant go in, doors rusty and locked)

scary hallway

yeah....

well..

skippng forward, we walked and talked and found an abondoned restaurant.

explore, went to the roof(sorta) and climbed down....PHOTOS

i told you, where he goes, i went.

yeah.

then we walked and found the main road!!!

and right across the street we saw this

NTU guys. haha. CIVILISATION! WE'RE ALIVE!!

-. -

uneeded...

then we walked back to the house

took more photos, malas to put up, if u wanna see tag me and ill do it.

we went back and our parents were stil chatting,

so we took a board and did something called Board Boarding.

here is a video!

wicked sport right?

haha

well, rest of the day was quite boring.

fetch grandmom from ferry terminal

went to changi beach to watch eclipse

got a headache and tired so went home.

and i died of boredom, as usual.

hoped you guys enjoyed my story really.

i think it was eventful.

i wanna go there again with friends.

woah.

my brother just whispered something.

i turneed around and he was sleeping....

scary.

well, mom mad, better sleep.

DONE!

oh and

P.S: credits to me and my cousins for photos...thank you.

Wooh

2009-01-23T21:59:00.000-08:00

had an awesome day yesterday.

as usual, i woke up late and before bathing or eating, i'll plug in my ibanez and start playing.

i los rack of time and left for the mosque late. aw.

met ahmed and muhd at the mosque.

miss them like hell. long time i havent spent time with them, what with all the jam sessions.

haha.

the 3 stooges are BACK BABY!

they came over for lunch.

papadum. mm. yum yum. and with dahl. wooooooheeeee.

then check out mats's blog.

then mom made us go grocery shopping with her. hahahahahahaha.

fun sia.

oh shit.

tht reminds me.

i havent eaten the satay i bought at geylang.

bah, eat it later.

oh yeah

mom brought us to geylang(thus the satay)

me and ahmed got high on bandung while mat got sick on chendol.

-. -

then umi(mom) had other places to go.

hahaha i like this part.

made a video of us gay.

like the mad mat said.

"never leave 3 stooges in the car alone"

well, there is a flaw to tht, cause my mom was in the car sometimes but we were still gay.

muahaaaa.

check the video out man. u'll crap ur pants.

then played soccer.

ish after two months of not playing, i only scored 1 and assisted five. shit right? yeah i know.

then wen cycling with mat. wow man.

when two brothers go out cycling, they wont want it to end

haha

alah there's always nxt time

HOW CAN U NOT HAVE BIKE SITI!?! ZOMG

anyway.

photos

muhammad should have lent me the hairband. ahha.i needed it.

credits to mat.

haha. we were eating macs under sheila's block.

and i ask mat to call her.

she didnt answer so we were leaving.

i was thinking "haha, for all we know we bump into her on the way out of her block"

otak masin.

CAUSE IT HAPPENED SIOL.

haha.

she looked so shocked.

i noticed smthn though.

muhammad cycled past without saying anything to her.

haha. i thought for 2 seconds then said

"HI SHEILA!"

and went up to salam her parents.

i knew the look on mat's face haha.

after tht i told him

"you were thinking ' fadhil , no just cycle past, please' right?"

haha. brothers can read each others mind really.

it was awesome. i had a lot of catching up to do ah. so we walked while talking.

then i went home watched tv, played guitar and slept.

From God we come. To God we return.

sorry for your loss,brother.

hope you got my message.

DONE!?!!

yes i am.

why didnt i see this before. it spoils everything. im sorry,but it does

What

2009-01-22T05:08:00.000-08:00

i honestly thought the nxt time i updated this blog,
it would be a long post where i explain in detail from the day i left for america.
but here i am asking myself.

what did i do.

screw. i tried. still dont wanna help...

This in an intervention

2008-12-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

family talk just now.
hais.
possibilities of us not going for holiday is lingering
bored.
really.

im a wild person

30th November

2008-11-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

30th November

5 more days to go to USA.

OH!

And there is my mom and dad in their room arguing.

How nice.

hais

2008-11-27T07:14:00.000-08:00

i miss you too.
but you are busy.
thats not counted as ditching, right?

I hate family problems, don't you?

2008-11-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

Woah

2008-11-25T12:17:00.000-08:00

man.
finally an update.

after many persuasions, an update.

hmmm...

k, first things first. 13 rocks socks. i guess saying no is an excuse for more ^^

14, grad night was awesome. proceed to ahmed's blog for photos. we went to school in a limo!!

slackation until now, where im currently at my cousins house at 4 15 in the morning doing this.

a coupla shout outs. marlina. chillax. breathe. cry. think. emo. it helps. reduce on pain please.

ameera. a lot of work but u can do it. sacrifices must be made. i guess thers an advantage to me leaving soon....

i really love you, you know that?

I Stare Upon Thy Face, Hoping, Wishing...

2008-11-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

woah
long time nvr update siol
i have been busy
and my dad destroyed my computer, so yeah.
no story for you all to hear for tht.
haha
one more day to the end of o levels.
one more day to you...

heh

ok la o levels.

but need to study.

but ok

haha.

:)

A White Rose And A Kiss On The Hand

2008-10-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

dum dee dum

im attempting to do physics right now.

but we all know im failing.

why am i doing this then, hmm?

my message counter reached its limit in six days.

only to compensate for not talking at night.

sad right? sad.

haha.

yesterday was fun.

the a math paper was manageable.

it was not hard, not easy, it just how an exam is supposed to be like.

it made me think.

unlike the first a math paper.

anyway.

after that,

i went to meet Ameera and Marl ina.

hehe.

basket sia mar's blog.

LOL.

we'll see though.

i doubt.

my mouth is dryer now.

muaha.

so after mar left, i walked her home.

that was only intention.

i swear.

but hey.

thinks usually dont go as planned in my life.

haha.

in this case it was good though.

finished the last.

YES. THE LAST.

played with some tree that smells like peppermint.

under apparently (cannot be named)'s block if im not mistaken

yeah.

then Qadir, the baskets of baskets, sent that trademark sms.

didnt fall for it this time though.

but walked home anyway.

fun.

what was i supposed to be doing again?

oh yeah....

physics...

O levels Day 2

2008-10-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

its only the second day.

and it feels like its over.

im gettting complacent.

nooo

haha.

yesterdays chem paper was fun.

i had fun doing it really.

after that fadhil and gang walked to bedok corner and got high on the way.

fun bedoh.

two hours to english o levels and im home on the computer.

power.

felt shitty last night and this morning.

when u let your mind wonder too far, thats what happens.

hmmm

it would be different and much better after o's i hope

i cant blog about much now cause my brother is watching me type this.

idiot

An Update

2008-10-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

not supposed to use he com but here goes.
parents outside layan-ing guests.
hais.
a questionair

1:Fav Colour
i go by themes, and currently is earthy themes.

2:Fav Number
11 and 7

3:Last Thing You Were Doing On PC
DOTA. sry. hehe

4:Last Person You Spoke With On The Phone.
hmmm. i think its some old achi that made a wrong number

5:How Are You Feeling
right now bored so i'll stop this, and continue another day.

WOOH

5 question questionair

muaha.
smoking is bad.
but merah and ice mint is nice.
tsk 3.

met marlina and ameera coupla days ago.

hmmmmm.

i have been studying!

cool.

wow.

threee days to o levels.

a1 for chem
a1for e math
a1/2 for a math
a1/2 for physics
a1/2 for english
b3/4 for combine humans.

hais

scary sia

i need a camera

mine spoilt.
thank you.....

AHHHHHH.

13th November will come. and that day....a lot of things will happen

TRUST ME

Indonesia

2008-10-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

im currently at indo.
visiting my ccusins.
mega fun.
haha...
ha...
hais...
fun...
yup.
just updating to say hi to the peeps bck at singapore.
and yet,
i have this heavy feeling in my chest.
well, we did a lot of things here.
i'll update with photos and stuff,
fire works, in the back yard!
jamming, karaoke. haha.
achepella.
fun.
yea...
hm...
ha...
hais...
thats what im doing at night.
i look at my phone
at twelve midnight.
and sigh....
im sighing....

Puasa : Day 29

2008-09-29T07:31:00.000-07:00

one more day,
and its over.

so quick eh?

anyway, its sad really.

when people fight, they never admit they are wrong.

both parties can be wrong but no, they won't admit it.

i have analysed both sides and i can only say one thing : enough.

sheesh.

its over.

i've been trying to tell you that.

let him say what he wants.

if it makes him happy and makes him shut up, isn't it better?

stop sympathizing. sometimes its not worth it.

not that im saying ur totally wrong.

just, shut up.

k?

Puasa : Day 19

2008-09-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

wooh.
full.
just finished a middle eastern-chinese-indian meal.
i swear i weigh 346935979248 kg now.
ok.
not really arh.
but nearly there.

things happen.
life is about experince.
let go of the past.
but do not forget it.
think about it
but dont let it bug you.
remember fond memories
but not that alone.
You have to remember the bad ones too
but only to learn.
it hurts
but u gotta hold on.
cause it will get better.

its like you made a huge cut on your hand.
it hurts.
but the pain will seize.
and u will be left with a scar,
that represents the memories.

remember

REMEMBER

Puasa : Day 18

2008-09-17T07:46:00.001-07:00

haha.
felt shitty today after school.
so i call Ameera.
then we talked on my bus ride.
i swear it was the only thing tht cld make me feel better at a moment like that.
so yeah.
dota-ed.
taraweh-ed
right now, Ahmeds are beside me helping my brother play WOW.
hahaa.

i can smile

Puasa : Day 17

2008-09-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

17 days.
last time was 28th August.
heh.
soon, soon. k?
anyway.
got visitors today.
nthn much
im bored.
didnt study
and i have mock exam tomorrow
how beautiful.
well.

ill scare the birds for you

Puasa : Day 16

2008-09-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

haha.
much more relaxed now.
not supposed to be on the computer but, heh.
haha.
went home with ahmed
and at white sands primary
i was like
"wanna see ameera?"
he smiled at me and we went off.
haha.
fun lah.
cant wait to buka out if can.
i hate cockroaches.
there, i admit it.
they fcking freak me out.
my flaw.
and well.
people are imperfect.
heh.
went home and lepak
k dah

my arms felt loooooong

Puasa Day : Panic

2008-09-14T04:00:00.002-07:00

holy shit.
im updating approzimately 30 seconds b4 buke.
heh.
nothing happened.
my blog has no content warning.
i put i to make ur life difficult
apologizes for typos.
good bye. All....
NO!!
BUKE!

Puasa : Day 7, 8, 9, 10 & 11

2008-09-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Soooory people.
Didn't update.
Waiting for Mas'uud to come for tuition now.
Haha.
Speaking of that, suddenly Azhar asked me for tuition.
I feel smart.
wooh.
Padahal I screwed my prelims.
Well. Its only prelims.
Going to be a nerd now.
Went to study with Amalina yesterday.
Meera met up with us.
Cause we were "coincidentally" under her block.
:)
so yeah.
Got some work done.
But that day was frustrating.
I felt pure emptiness.
Curiosity.
Disappointment.
But....
I still do.
And yeah, I'd wait

DUH

2008-09-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

i still don't get it.

Puasa : Day 6

2008-09-06T03:14:00.000-07:00

Noting happened.

Nothing for you to know anyway.

Took soooo long.

But, it can't be blamed.

Just to make things kinda clear.

I didn't force it, k?

I wanted to hear it, but I didn't force it out.

I certainly hope so.

Haha.

Uncertainty filled me.

But. I know what I was feeling.

So I did.

:)

Smile.

Don't feel down.

Cause....

Puasa : Days 4 & 5

2008-09-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

Nothing much.

But I could have sworn that insanity came for a moment or two.

Followed by frustration.

Then darkness.

Empty. That was the worst.

But. Out that black abyss

I saw hope. A tunnel.

It had a heavenly glow.

I ran towards it.

But it isn't as close as I thought.

But the more I try, the closer I get, it seems.

I'll get there one day.

Unless it disappears. Like the others.

But it won't. This one is different.

I won't disappear.

I hope

Puasa : Day 3

2008-09-03T03:56:00.001-07:00

Same old.

12 to 5 in the morning, I'll be on the phone.

After Sahur, talk again.

Apparaently I said something I didn't realize I said.

Haha.

I wanna know what it is please.

Well.

Belajar, study, read, revise.

Then DOTA with Pelemping and Marcus.

Yeah.

Funny

Puasa : Day 2

2008-09-02T09:16:00.001-07:00

I did something stupid today.

Very early in the morning.

I apparently miscalculated.

Haha

I felt like shit for awhile.

But contempltion helped.

Just sit, stone and think.

And stone I did.

If you feel something, 'might as well say it', I told myself.

'But it wasn't ready'

'Yeah well, the cat is out, might as well let it free'

'Yeah. True. If you feel that way, by all means bro'

'O.K Fadhil. Thanks'

'No problem, Fadhil"

Thats how i contemplate.

D.O.T.A

till buke.

Apparently I got Muhammad hooked to the game.

I played LAN with him from my house.

Super duper cool.

Haha.

No Ahmed, its never too late for D.O.T.A!

Muaha.

I'm not a geek.

And I'm sorry.

true it may be. sorrow filled me. but. the myriad of feelings cleared. its true what i said. you weren't ready.
but i said it. and its true.

Puasa : Day 1

2008-09-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

I was only the first day.

I wasn't as bad as expected really.

I played badminton.

Learn some new jumpstyle tricks.

Went to the Mosque with Muhammad for Zohor.

We were caught in extreme rain, but we made it.

Wow. She's ok with it eh babe?

Ask her next time if we can come home later.

(:

I ain't gonna open my mouth.

Its gonna be Buka very soon.

Then off to Teraweh.

Wooh.

I'm really happy.

So much for the first day of Puasa.

Love ya babe.

More Photos

2008-08-30T04:43:00.001-07:00

My shoes....actually my sisters but hey...i use it more

nice poto. duh i took it....

another nice photo. again duh
i call it, ripples...
nyonya...(:

for once i didnt take a phto of myself

heh

there u go meera.

u gotta thank me now babe

A post

2008-08-30T04:31:00.000-07:00

Heh.

A post.

How literal can i be?

Maybe lames the word. Or lamity.

Heh. Meera is giggling now.

HaH

I put this post under request.

Monday will be a scary day for me.

I was accepted by the past two parents.....

But mondays different.

its horrifying really.

but for the sake of honesty and trust.

it must be done.

man...

well.

it aint gonna change nthn though.

well actually it will.

if yes, then good. more advantages.

if no, then nthn will change.

im so sure cause i trust you.

man.

im bored.

and thts y im rambling.

hmmm

haha

MEEERRRAAAA.

heh. bout u right?

HAPPY?

Wooh

2008-08-28T07:06:00.001-07:00

Wall . e was cool

very touching movie really.

haha.

i feel like im wall e now.

seriously.

and the beach was cool.

so nice.

so calming.

so beautiful.

so hot.(thanks to me)

heh.

then i was persuading her to follow me into some ulu mangrove reserve.

she didnt want but hey.

im a persuasive guy.

so in the end she had fun.

wooh...

HI AMALINA!

YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!

heh.

EEEEEvvvaaaAAA?

what was it?
why then.
there we sit,
toes in the sand.
eyes looked in another direction
why, why, i wondered.
i need to crave my temptation.
but i resisted.
eyes all misty.
face was long.
i stared curiously.
maybe i should play a song?
no, it would be stupid.
the past should not be forgotten.
but shouldn't it, really?
maybe, but i have fallen.
why, why

Simply Amazing

2008-08-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

Amazing.

I went out with my family,see

went to "Earl's Swensens"

pretty much the same,

just sounds fancier and much more expensive

haha

i didnt pay, so

hehe

reached home at 11.30? yeah, round there.

so i smsed.

checked my sms count.....300......

more than half of my free smses. in one week.

thanks. haha. meanie.

i decided to call instead!

it was kinda akward at first for me, cause i dont really do tht much.

but i plan to do it muuuuuch muuuuch more, eh?

so yah. we talked and talked.

then i looked at the clock.

3.

wow

three hours.

i informed. she too was shocked.

lol

weirdly before i called, i was sleepy.

once we talked.

i wouldnt sleep. i did not want to. haha

so we talked till 7.

could this really be it?
i really hope so.
lately ive been such a git.
well
i want a moment to be real.
you are real.
i wanna touch things i dont feel.
irony.
i wanna hold on.
forever.
and feel, i belong.
hopefully.

Amazing

Photos

2008-08-18T03:22:00.001-07:00

just some photos of us at new zealand

non of them will have me alone.

cant have u having too much privellages now can we?

Hahahahaha Hehehehehehe

2008-08-18T03:19:00.000-07:00

haha
ive been
haha
laughing nonstop
hehe

just lying

but i like laughing

chatting my meera.

my meera? man my spelling sux.

with meera.

meeeeeera. haha

lol

meera

woah

my tetek sakit

u try do 100-200 push ups a day

watch out Ahmed B

haha

here it comes

pow

Contemplating....yet again

2008-08-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

hais
just went to watch TKMB play with my mom and sis...
for those emo ppl out there hu doesnt noe...
TKMB=To Kill A Mockingbird
it was ok
but i felt tht it missed out on a lot of important points
but of course,
its a play.
cant show the whole thing now cant we...

Yeap
the acting was kinda crappy.
i cldve played Jem Finch better.
Heck, i cldve play Tom Robinson better.
but
it doesnt stop the story from being good
i use the book at literature text
so i already knew what the books bout
so
i wasnt lost like my sis was.
but hey
the book is awesome
and i felt an ache in my chest when the play ended.
real sad man.

for some reason, the book makes me think bout life.
the decisions we make.
the developments we as people go through.
its tough.
now i have to decide.
poly
or jc
to me its big
not because the decision is big
but merely bcause i can choose
i bet i lost some ppl there.
try reading it again.
ull understand, i hope.
so yah.
just thnking bout life
how it all will end
thinking of marriage.
thinkin of crushes
thinkin of everything
i wanna do this....
i wanna do tht....
but hey....
we cant do everything in life.
and thts exactly y im upsest.

Hais...

Boooooring.....

2008-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

hais.
o levels in 95 days.
i dont feel the pressure yet.
even though i feel worried.
funny huh?
well, tomorrow i plan to see husrin and get to play with my soon-to-be camera!
haha
well.
two days ago, before the o level malay listening compre
me muhammad and hakeem wanted to go to Tauqwa mosque to pray.
muhammad, bbeing the sian guy he is, wanted to take the bus, coming up with the stupidest excuse saying that it was gonna rain

-. -'

so me and hakeem walked and talked.
there are two paths to walk.
one walking along the road,
the other is somnthing i love to call, "jalan banglo"
which means banglo walk.
so we walked to the mosque by cutting throught the banglo estate there.
when we were there, it hit us how long we havent walked there.
2 years....
wow.
time fly so fast.
before i know it i'll be leaeving the school
that i hate and yet love.
hais.
you ppl wouldnt understand.
ill probably post another post bout this.
mabi ull understand then.

time flies...

Wooh

2008-07-06T03:28:00.000-07:00

Just thought you all might wanna know my wishlist
yup...so, i dunno, probably, maybe, i dunno, you know...

1. Nikon D40, for 400 bucks.
2.PS3. yeah!
3.That artificial drumset things. Its cool.
4.A new soccer ball
5.A white Fedora
6.A white vest

Yup. much more but hey.
You'll buy them for me.
Right?

Clarification

2008-06-26T04:40:00.000-07:00

Yos

Guys.

I told you ready.

If you see the content warning,

Its cause it gives you a different view of me.

So Click if you want.

You have been warned.

Foooyoh

2008-06-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

19th ready.
wow
fast.
well.
on 11 of june.
we went to Malaysia.
KL.
Kuala Lumpur.
Yea.
It was cool
thts night we went to some real fancy restaurant.
Japanese food.
it was awesome.
i can now say, i have eaten eel and escargo before!escargo is snail. yup.
not so bad actually.
so next day we went shopping.
My aims were:
Football boots
A white vest
A soccer ball.
Yea.
i got all except the white vest
i got a grey one,
we searched the whole of KL for the white one but in vain.
yup.
it was cool man
just me and my family celebrating my birthday at KL.
yea.
nothing much happened since then.
besides the fact tht we lost to Monfort Sec 7-4 just now.
we could've won
They were big

Hapy Birthday to ME!

2008-06-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Yay.
Just spent the last three days at Malaysia, KL.
Just me and my family.
Yup.
On my birthday itself,
we had dinner at some high class Japanese restaurants.
Super cool.
On that day,
I ate escargo. That means, I ate snail.
Yup.
Tastes cool.
Then I ate some sea slug.
Not sure whether it was raw or not.
Tastes cool too.
Then I ate Unagi. Eel. super duper cooll.
Can't really explain exactly how they all taste like.
But yup.
Obviously, we all went shopping.
I was looking for three things for my bdae
Football boots, topman vest and soccer ball.
So yup!
I got the F50 tunit. super cool. 180 bucks only someore!!!!
Then i got one cool bronish grey topman caual, formal vest.
oh yea. but the boots not seasoned yet. so it gave me blisters.
i also lost one stud today.(tunit can be used to change studs)
forgot to tightened the studs properly.
but its awesome.
first time ill use the vest is during step down, council.
so fun man.
thanks guys for remembering my bdae.
for those who forgot, well its ok.
I forget birthdays too!

Happy Bdae...

2008-06-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yay.
Tomorrow can watch NC-16 movies!
Just now was cool
had council meeting.
den we went out to eat at pizza hut
me and Bulu didnt bring a lot of money
didnt know we were going out.
but we had enough to share a pizza, pepsi and soup
yup
but in the end we ate more cause a lot of ppl didnt finish their food
then Michelle...
had to be her XD
found a fly in her food!
she lost her appetite in a snap
so i gracously ate her food for her.
of course i didnt eat the fly.
we wanted to complain!
and complain we did!
the manager was like "oh sorry is there anything i can do for my mistake?"
so michelle said no, at first.
me, anwar and zuhairi, well. our faces were in agony...
how couuld you say no to free, GOOD, food?
luckly the manager was persistant.
she persuaded michelle to orders some deserts.
so she order to warm cakes.
so when they caem, we got three!
"one on thehouse" he said.
so Guan Hong passed one to me and they sang bdae song.
i dont belive it.
they made me feel embarrassed.
i could only say one thing when the waitresss was looking at me.
"its not my birthday"
pretty lame. haha
then i went home.
tried but failed to do A.Math.(couldnt be bothered)
so i played soccer!
3mins in the game and i think i nearly broke my jaw.
as i type this,
im eating chocolate in pain.
-. -'
yes.
in pain.
so anyway
(i did a bicycle kick and scored!)
hem hem
i just wanna thank the councillors:
Anwar
Bulu
Rachelle
The Fly Girl
The Lead singer in our made up band
Xin Yi
Idra(.....i can hear Ahmed B laughing now)

and last but not least.
Guan Hong.
Thanks a lot
you have been great to me.
really
best president!
pull me up when im down
while i push you down when im up
XD
JK!
dont slap me...
but serioussly.
thanks

and with no relations to school,
i wanna thanks amalina
hu made me a card for my bdae.
and she was afraid i'll hate her cause its ugly(she claims)
comon
im not tht bad.

Right?

An Update

2008-06-03T03:53:00.000-07:00

Haha.
Since the last time i updated,
this are a coupla things that have happened:
Man United won the double!
I got new football shoes(but i had to wash it the first time i wore it; stepped in shit)
Made Mr Eng KK look more retarded than he already is!(sorry class for keeping you back in class)

Yup. Lifes been normal.
Nothing much that occurred, really.

Missing the people i miss,
Sir Fadhil

Aiyoyo...

2008-05-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'll go straight to the point
we lost against tampinese secondary 5-3 in soccer.
the thing was, we were leading 2-1 in the first half.
this does not mean we are lousy
cause firstly, that was the first time we played together.
yup. also during the second half, our foundation broke down.
my bad, wrong subs...
but most important for me,
i missed for opportunities when i was 1 n 1 with the keeper.
OMG!

AIIEESH!!!

2008-05-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

WOOH!
Creepy...
wow.
Just now.
I got the team playing against tamp sec on Thursday to come to training.
At the same time, I ditched Siti, Fay, Zhi Yi and Jane who asked me, Ahmed and Muhammad to come watch ayat2 cinta, a movie, with them.
hehe.
So yeah, just playing.
Then Pun made a quick dash to the goal and Joe was fighting for the ball.
So we watched them tustle for awhile. Then, suddenly...
Pun fell down!
It was right creepy, cause his arm was dislocated.
He fell onto a goalpost that was laying on the ground arm first, then body over arm.
Yea it was creepy all right.

So me and Muhammad was supporting him towawrds the general office(Joe, the culprit xD, was still shocked). But he was passing out. Man he was pale. Paler than Zhi Yi!!! HAHAHA!

His eyes were going haywire, so I kept slapping his back so he would stay awake.
I started talking to him so he would remain conscious. I asked stupid questions, like
"How old are you?"
"How was you exams?"

He answered them.

It was scary that he was answering the dumb questions cause, well, they were dumb!
Then Ahmed B came up to me and said, "FADHIL STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS!"

Confident bangla!

It was really funny cause he was so slow. I had to shout to him in front of Pun, whos mouth was kinda foaming at the side, that I was trying to keep him awake. HAHA

Yea man. So me, Muhd, Liang Wei and Joe followed him and Mr Cuthbert to the CGH, Changi General hospital. I was such a sweet day man. Sweet as in eventful. Even got a free meal when I dropped by at Muhd's cousins house with him. haha.

Thanks To All

2008-05-07T05:10:00.000-07:00

Life comes in phases
Thats what I think.
One moment you feel like the smelliest pile of cow dung and the next,
you're laughing with your friends, forgetting bout your worries.
Yes Gerald,
"Lifes Like A Rollercoster Ride"
Air ada pasang surutnya.
Life is funny, really.
One's feelings can change so quick.
Well
basically
thanks
Hazel
Zhi Yi
Fay
Shahirah
Gerald
You peeps are great frineds.
And lastly,
HAHA!

A Reflection

2008-05-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

To people who reads this, it requires utmost patience and EQ to understand how I feel right now.
It might be impossible to put yourselves in my shoes. I feel like the worst person on earth. The worst brother. The worst friend. The worst son.
For the past few days now my life has been becoming from bad to worst. I do not ask you to read this to pity me. I want you to read this so I can show you what I hide. The care-free face you see hides a dark life. I do not wish to obfuscate you. I want your support as friends.
It was an ordinary day yesterday. My brother was pissing me off. So shouted at him. I cursed him. I would've beat him but luckily I restrained myself. If not I would feel even worst right now.
So I told my mom. I was such a small and minute thing we fought about. And yet, I made it so huge, I hurt the best person God has even let me meet: My mother. I'm to shameful to tell you what I said. But what I said hurt her a lot. I made my mom cry.
Its weird; that when your mom cries, you just feel like crying too.
I tried to apologise, but I think it came to nothing.
So I was having dinner just now, and my mother asked me to use her phone SMS my sister.
After doing so I read a message se sent to my dad.
My world stopped. It stopped spinning.
I do not know how, but my life became worst. What she sent to my dad, made me feel so small, .
And to mak things worst, my grand uncle passed away 30 minutes.
All this things sum up to one thing.
My Life is Screwed
I feel empty. Life has no meaning for me. Thing just keep happening in constant pain for me.
I can't let it out. Its just stuck. Stuck inside me like there is no way out. I need help.
No amount of counselling will help me. Nothing can make me feel better. I just want my life to stop. I want time to stop. I want to turn back time. I wanna make things right. But what can one mortal do. So weak he feels like ending his life, and he wants to do the impossible.
I can't bring myself down any further. I don't know what to do. I'm helpless. I'm hopeless.
I'm Lost
And yet I ponder; why not end life. Why not start smoking again. Why not cut myself, at least? Why not do something to help ease this never seizing pain I feel. My dad tells me things like "You always find the easy was out. Thats why you aren't improving. That why you a mediocre person." Someway or another, it brings me down even further. Each time my heart beats as I'm typing this, it hurts. It wants to stop. It wants to give up.
And yet I do not smoke. I do not cut myself. I do not do this things.
Maybe its because I want to prove my dad wrong. I ain't gonna take the easy way out.
If theres two thing I wanna share with you today, they're this.
"To no soul, doth God burden, more than it can bear"
and
"Life has its ways of sorting things out"
One I read and th eother my dad told me.
People.
If you read this, you should know a bit of what I hide from you. You should know a dark side to this "happy" guy you see. You should know how I fight. How I not take the easy way out.
HOW I DEAL WITH MY SCREWED UP LIFE

NOOOOO!

2008-04-26T07:20:00.001-07:00

ARH! NOO!
2-1.
TWO-ONE!!
OMG!
OH! MY GOD!
MAN UNITED LOST!
this can't be.
well.
i watched the match.
best match whole season
really.
i was expecting a draw.
2-2.
MAN UNITED HAD TWO BALLS ON THE LINE!
god....
could've been a 3-2...
well
Chelsea won the battle.
BUT MAN UNITED WILL WIN THE WAR

INJURY! again....

2008-04-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

DAMN!
another injury!
freaking hell.
and yes, its a soccer injury.
ball in the air
put my leg up to kick it
other guy kicked my calf.
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
now I can't move it.
i can't tiptoe.
hais.
for the love of soccer...
wait, now i cant play soccer!
Fcuk it.
The one thing that allows me to vent
once again,
DAMN!

The Spirit That Denies

2008-04-24T04:08:00.000-07:00

I am an oxymoron. I am everything that contradicts. I am Fat Hill.

Brohood

Yo peeps. Sup? I know you've heard me say stuff like "I'm never gonna blog" and what not. I just wanna vent. Hope me wasting a page on the abyss of the internet won't bother no one. I wanna vent. There are things even some of my closest friends don't know bout. (well, not you mat(s)) So yeah. don't get bored
Last few days been shitty. *sighs* . Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Why do it? Don't you ever get bored of your daily life? Its the same thing day in day out. I want variation in my life. Right now, life only bores me. Its only burdening me. I just wanna give up, see. But. There just seem to be one things that spur me on. Friends. I have great friend really. Most don't even know I have this blog. Haha. Cap man. I often contemplate, although I don't show it. I think of life and what things in life I wanna do. Seems I have my whole life planned out already. Man. But the journey there. Its crappy. I keep saying this to myself. "To no soul does anyone burden you more I'm bored of studying. I just wanna enjoy life. Haha. Too bad I live in Singapore. Only way to success is studying. Man. Exams are comin. I ain't ready at all. Well. I gotta.